All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
It was unlikely that the relationship was going to end with anything other than antibiotics.
For some reason I knew you were going to smell like strippers and burritos when I hugged you.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Today I'm judging my level of singleness on a scale of one to eat-a-can-of-frosting. It's not looking good for me.
Ooooh. Get funfetti
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
If anybody had to puke on my shoes, I'm glad it was you.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
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