You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
Last night I ate the rest of the salsa with my hands. And i DONT have a hangover? Glorious.
we watched a tutorial on how to do guidette makeup
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Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
I knew her barely 30 minutes before we got naked. This whole fraternity thing is starting to grow on me...
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
Just smoked out of an apple with Steve Jobs. I love Halloween.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
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I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Oh yeah I remember when I first saw Kyler's balls. If there's anything high school swim prepared me for, it's the amount of testicles I would see here
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
You know the bunny onesie you sent me? Happy Halloween, I just did the hop of shame.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
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