dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
I finally had kitchen counter sex! i was so excited
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
just customized my debit card w a pic of me ralphing over the toilet. figure it'll give the bar keep a good cut off est and for shits n giggles when buying my handles at the liqour store
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you can't like a status about me getting hit by a car
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Good news: you're over the drunk crying life phase. Bad news: now you're handy and violent. You were groping me from behind in front of the guy you like, then you put me in a headlock and swept the leg.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
Sara can't come to the phone right now. She's currently having an in-depth conversation with a flower pot.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
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