I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
That can be our thanksgiving, vodka and cornbread. Just like the pilgrims.
when your english prof writes "this was a real good paper" on your essay, you know you're at the wrong college
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
I was greeting people at my door feeding them jello shots out of an ice cube tray with a spoon.
Shes definitely an expert at this. Her happy hour goes from 4 to 11, then she starts drinking heavy. She also allots 15 minutes each hour for a pee/bj break
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Why is it I can't go buy redbull and tylenol pm from a store without getting questions about my health choices?
The moment when you go to plug in someone else's phone in your car and your lube is in the way. Don't mind that it's just my center console car lube. Normal.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
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