Id settle for living inside the pirates of the carribean ride.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just entered us to win a trip to Vegas for spring break. GET YOUR VAGINA READY FOR THE ULTIMATE DICK HUNT!
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
Just watched a guy ride a bike off his roof into his pool. On my way to the liquor store, picking you up in 20
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
Well five day drinking adventure in appreciation of cinco de drinko under the belt, great way to start may
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
We compared her boobs to bacon. I'm probably going to have to justify that.
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
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