If you could channel this insane talent for stalking you'd be a great weapon for this country. If you had a crush on Bin Ladin, guaranteed he'd be found, monitered and tagged within five days.
woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
bring the dog... nobody goes to jail with a dog.
His personality is sparkling but nothing beats his ass
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
Next time someone asks you what your spirit animal is do you really want to answer the iowa state fair butter cow?
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
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