I had a long pep-talk with my penis that ended in "I love you, I'll try harder and I'm sorry."
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I should also mention that having been a sheltered child, I am conditioned to have serious kinks and find upper bodies of either sex attractive. And legs.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
You could totally spank that new found Catholicism out of him.
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
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