Today I made a list of everyone I have had sex with...there is more than double my age...
My 8 year old wants to name our new cat "fur burger". how do i explain that this is not really appropriate?
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
i decided i'll just settle for a gay guy who can manage to fuck me like the straight guys do. but here i go again, talking about my dream man.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
I really wanna know when trying to grow up turned into try not to throw up.
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
So much easier to puke and rally now that my gluten's under control
we are the apple cider girls!
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
Fun. You missed it. Michael broke a door with his erection.
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