Dude!! Mom just asked me why you have 'boobies' hahaha
I hate my life
I picked my nose. Flicked it. I heard it hit something. Next thing I know, it's floating around in my wine glass.
I wonder if that one guy remembers you sticking salami to his forehead when he was passed out on new years eve.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
After my date left I rallied and took the Asian girl home. Flexibility my friend.
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
dude idk where I am. fuckin like. there wheat field and a horizon and shit. I think I got on a bus? some dude named Sam gave me a pamphlet about Jesus.
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
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