I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
I've only been here for an hour and I've already made 6 babies cry.
Happy Birthday
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
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My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
He drew a face on his balls with a sharpie. It was like giving head to a unicorn.
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i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
If my body were a person, it would be beating the shit out of me for what I did to it last night.
If he brings home bacon, dont let him leave. Dont screw this one up. this may be our last chance.
man do I wish I knew who this naked guy in my room was...
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