What you up to?
Having coffee. Getting eyefucked. Eyefucking.
Full throttle
Some guys are relationship guys. Not our niche.
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
The irony of calling it Pride is that you do things that no one should be proud of.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
if the future wants me to fuck him, then i guss i have to
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I don't want his dick, I want his flame thrower!!
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
Randomize