I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
In all seriousness though I just found out the dog pissed in my bed it'd be nice to crash somewhere other than my couch while my piss soaked bedding is in the washer
I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
so I just used the H1N1 mask my mom gave me for college to hold in a bong hit longer... god I love orientation week
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel like a pizza delivery girl of vagina tho
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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