I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Also how the fuck did i get like 30 brown napkins
yeah after seeing those pics of her puking into my underwear drawer i remembered again why i didn't want to invite her.
you didn't check your sock drawer yet did you
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
So befoe we go on this mission how reliable are you for bailing peope out of jail
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
However, you did manage to order seven different drinks while fingering her at the packed bar - it was like watching the pizza men pound the dough in the windows
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
I'm hungover and in a fort. And I hate you.
So many questions
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