Last night I fell down in the street (I think in someone's vomit), cut my knee up, lost my moms necklace and my license, and had to walk back to the hotel.
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
I had fun this weekend too. According to Web MD, my symptoms say I had a miscarriage.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I knew my sign language would come in handy. I just used sign to coordinate a coke deal.
I am on a roof. I'm not sure which one, or why, or how, but I am on a roof and you should come get me. I can see info classrooms!
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
According to the boxer briefs I found on the couch when I got home, I take it your date went well??
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement 😭😂
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize