So she comes up to me at the end of the night and asks me if I going to take her home and fuck her. I pretty much had to right?
you had an obligation.
Where'd you guys get the alcohol from?
Oh. Some homeless guy we picked up from I-70. He bought us $400 worth of alcohol in exchange for a shower.
...... wtf.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
So when you said you wanted to make a clay replica of my boobs and hang it above your bed you actually meant it?
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I just got a mental picture of us having sex in a trash can.
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
The only thing I remember is doing a toddlers and tiaras dance routine onstage. I fucking CURTSIED.
OMG stop. Pretty feet? Sparkle baby!
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
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I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
Sometimes, being an adult means buying a bottle of whiskey after work and live tweeting the commercial breaks on food network.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
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