I figure if he loans me money i only owe him sex for the rest of the summer before i pay him back, right?
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
I'm off the liquor
You're forefathers are ashamed of you. They didn't struggle to make it to America so that you could become a soft dick
I'm going to die alone in my chair and get eaten by my cat. That kind of break up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She seriously left me for a guy that likes his own statuses on facebook.....
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
My professor just asked for my number. Not fucking her till after finals though I learned my lesson last time.
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