Did you wake up with "jello shots" stamped on your hand too?
We're learning about the color wheel. Hello college.
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Sometime between a drunk guy asking me if I'm a Beach person or a lake person WHILE HIS HAND WAS IN HIS FUCKING PANTS or breaking up a lady fight over peewee football league I started to reevaluate my life and self
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
So as a result of a tragic manscaping accident I've had to shave all the hair off of my legs. The result is... not great
Remember the golden rule, wine is for baths, and beer is for showers.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
I have got to stop telling people I was almost a prositute every time I drink
the cop said "drunk and disorderly" like it was a bad thing
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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