Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
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He texted me for drugs this time. Not sex. I dunno if I should be pleased it's not sex or disappointed that I come across as a druggie
my vagina has been out of service for wayy too long... this semester needs to start like right now
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
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Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Apparently asking your girlfriends roommate for a hand job when u craw into the wrong bed after a bottle of rum is "bad form".
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
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