dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
fat people need to stop using the handicapped bathroom stall so I can have sex in it. it's common logic
Update... last night a man tried to bite my ear. I think he swallowed my pearl earring.
Go forth Daniel, drink, be merry... And meet some hot Asians for your friends to bang
We told her to calm down. She said "I'm Buddha!". Then army crawled to the cooler for more vodka.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I'm definitely closer to having sex in every building on campus than I am to having a post-graduation career/plan/future. Unless that future is getting fucked in lots of buildings. I got that shit on lock down.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Because, after all, nothing quite says life in 2020 than doing laundry at 9:40 on a Friday morning to make sure you have masks and underwear.
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
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