I will come over but only if I don't have to take my sunglasses off for it
you would pick up someone in the library
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
It's just good to know that when I drink like a twenty year old I still act like one.
I'M SO WET FOR FREEDOM
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
finding an unopened condom on the ground can really change your outlook on the night
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
PLEASE HELP ME THE AMERICANS ARE YELLING ABOUT TURKEY, I DON'T KNOW WHAT TO DO
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Being an adult can't be all bad. I just took a vacation day solely to sit around and get stoned
Your Saturday night was spent at the opera, mine was spent exchanging naked pics with a hot middle aged man that is so ripped that he looks like he's photoshopped. This is why we're blood sisters. We balance each other out.
I hate you so hard.
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