I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
Fuck appropriateness.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
We lost power at midnight which freaked out my roomate and friends. The power came back on 30 minutes later. We are now at the bar having "the rapture came and we were left behind" shots
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
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