no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
There's a "art of the blow job" class in the city. We should go
Baby, I'm all set with that. That would be like trying to teach bruce lee how to kick someone in the head
The way you explained my vagina was exactly the way I would of described my breakfast burrito.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
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I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
I realize now that I left my pants on that table in the downstairs bathroom at you house on Tuesday....
He is juggling broken glass botttles, I think its time to cut him off...
That's okay, during storytime I would have to sit on my hands so I wouldn't touch everyone. Explains a lot...
Do you think she will like "you don't have to swallow this time" gift certificates for Xmas?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Post-sex nachos deserve a song.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
I found a used condom in my purse this morning. It was in there with a bunch of smushed french fries.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
Just showered and cleaned every bit of sex off of me cuz i have a feelin my stepmom has jesus powers and would be able to smell it on me
I’m literally naked drinking a beer and I gotta leave in 6 minutes for work lol
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