So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
she is the female version of PC from the mac and pc commercials..i'll still hit tho
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
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He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I am stoned at Disneyland with my little brother. It's gonna be a good day.
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
If I stopped drinking I'd have to take up murdering.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
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