I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
well..after leaving the bar you handed me your wallet and said you didnt need it cause you were going to find the cash cab and added 'i'll see you on tv'
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
WHAT IS PROPER BONG ETIQUETTE FOR WHEN YOU'RE ALONE IN YOUR BATHTUB AND CRYING?
If there was a build-a-penis, I would build that penis.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
Why the fuck are you playing with legos?
Why the fuck are you questioning me?
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