All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
can you please tell me why I'm bleeding so heavily from my ass and all my makeup is gone?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
AND BY FEELINGS I MEAN VODKA
for a while, i completely forgot that you wrote "fuck me" on my stomach before we went out. when he took my shirt off that night, he just looked down and said, "may i?". i think i'm in love
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just fucked insane clown pussy. 24 yo nut job moonlights at children's parties. Gave me head while still in full clown makeup from my kid's birthday party.
I have the most nasty and explicit wet dreams of my boss that I'm embarrassed to look him in the face. I'd be pregnant or promoted if he only knew
And my parents said I crawled through the house
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
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