I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I don't remember what your face looks like..
I don't remember your face either, just your dick.
so I made out with a lobbyist last night. im officially a resident of D.C
I can't make Walk of Shame Wednesdays a recurring theme.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
50 year old business women like dick too. Come on she said you looked like Ricky Martin.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
Waking up next to a 3 inch puddle of water in my kitchen with a bathing suit on...what the fuck went on lastnight
I've made friends with the guy dressed as a gorilla that was chasing the guy dressed as a banana around with a super soaker full of vodka. I feel this will be a good relationship for me.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The penis is a tricky weapon to use. When using it as leverage you have to make it seem emotional. I'd rather use it as a club sometimes.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
I came in like 30 seconds, and my dog got to watch me take the walk of shame to the bathroom to clean up. All in all, not my best performance.
I know EXACTLY where things went wrong with her...I didn't use Cheetos as a wooing tool.
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