she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Stop staring at my boobs, I can't concentrate
Well how do you think I feel
fair enough
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
You know, it doesn't really count as a walk of shame if you guys showered together the next morning
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How is it medically possible for my urine to smell like espresso
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I wonder what dick looks like without astigmatism?
I'm glad we smoked together,that was probs the biggest sibling bonding we will ever have.
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize