i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
You need to always be prepared. Like a sex firefighter.
I just tripped out to the Angel of Music from Phantom of the Opera in my car. Wayyyy to high for shuffle right now.
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
WHEN DO I FOLLOW THESE PEOPLE. I WOKE UP THIS MORNING &FOUND TWEETS FROM ILLUMINATI AND "hot shot 6th grader"
I RAN OVER A NUN! I RAN OVER A FUCKING NUN! GOD WILL NEVER FORGIVE ME FOR MY SINS NOW!!!
How don't you remember..? You were getting handfuls of skittles out from our bra screaming TASTE THE RAINBOW.
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
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