What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
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We went into lab today and when no one was looking i touched our cadaver's penis!
Yea my vagina was pretty pissed at me for not taking advantage of the situation...
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
On monday, while we were having crazy monkey sex, I earned $82. Vacation pay rocks.
I dropped my blunt out the window of a moving car by accident, tell me everything will be okay
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Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
A bee came out of the shoe box and stung her. Even the insect community doesn't want her in those hideous things.
So I fucked him. Then I MC Hammer'd to the bathroom, where I did the robot in celebration of my accomplishment. And then I spent 10 mins fixing my toilet. But YOLO.
And suddenly....Tubas. Tubas everywhere.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
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