im using the astroglide sample u sent me as a bookmark for the book im using to write my midterm paper. i need to get laid. bad.
I have to think about this realistically and not with my vagina.
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
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But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
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I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
I'm pretty sure I broke my breathalyzer by breathing vaporized vodka into it.
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