You just compared our sex life to a seven year old kid.
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
I mean he's a cool ass guy, but he's genuinely in love with a fat chick. I just can't take him seriously as a person.
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So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
The maintenance guy asked for a box to stand on to reach the ceiling. All I could offer him was a keg.
You came home And decided to make beer battered bacon... That's why there was smoke
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Sleeping with him wouldn't be considered hoeing out... It seems more like babysitting.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
you face planting the wall was epic
did you at least save my tooth
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Alright, I've had enough of this good girl shit. Tonight you either blackout or backout.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
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