WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
whats a positive sounding word for "exploit"?
He doesn't like you, he likes u not having a gag relfex
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
I dont know about you but I'm not getting out of bed this summer for anything but food or sex
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
There's an old guy having a conversation with his penis in the bathroom right now.
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I ran into my parents house and stole a bottle of vodka last night...Apparently left them a note that read "DRUNK. TOOK VODKA. BRING MORE."
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
I will forever remember this as The Great Jalepeno Cock Burn of 2014.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
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