Your face is a jimmy john
Going to bed naked. Too bad I am all alone. Need to make some changes. Either sleep with clothes or with you
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Unless you can cure my hangover with your penis I'm not interested.
I would not wish his dick upon my worst enemy
You better fuck one or both of those bitches and bring me pictures that will make me uncomfortable
I can do at least one of those things.
Its not gay if you're best friends and there's less than an inch of dick in the picture. That's where the line is drawn
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
I can't name a single part of my body that isn't sore. Who says break up sex is bad sex?
I was doing karaoke to "baby got back" and apologizing for being white at the same time.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
And thank god for autocorrect cuz I can't even think in English let alone spell in it right now.
I'm legitimately the first person in the United States to successfully shave their balls with a Razer Blade of a sword and fully admitt it. I'm honestly smoother then a 10 year old.
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