just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
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i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Apparently, we were running around the apartment, singing into pickles, the routinely slapped our passed out friends with them.
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I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
HE IS. YOU SHOULD TOUCH HIS BACK.
IT IS A COURTSHIP RITUAL.
THE MUTUAL BUTT TOUCH IS SACRED.
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
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