I would fuck her until my dick fell off. then i would fuck her with your dick.
man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
I seriously need to stop naming my lingerie sets after the boys I wear them for. I seriously just asked mom if she put Brett in the dryer
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
bailing my boss out of jail is a great way to spend memorial day
i think you broke pat's ankle when you drove over it... he's freaking out but on a more serious note i'm 99% sure i saw a werewolf
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
she told me she wanted to fuck me because i was "rugged". if the definition of rugged is a lack of manscaping, slightly overweight, and pounding 16 oz pbrs, then yes i am rugged as fuck
Neighbour is sobbing. Difficult to masturbate.
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
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