Just heard someone use the phrase "slut mustard" in a sentence. Win.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Ok lesson learned. Don't lick the spoon when making mushroom chocolates. The kitchen walls are melting.
Of course I'm hard in the pics. If there's a chance that these pictures will cause a scandal later in my life I at least want my dick to look it's biggest
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
Serious question...Is it possible to get a DUI on a kayak?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
My dad just bought me a 40. I consider this our peace treaty.
You should have heard my farts after he left. I swear one of them was a demonic voice saying, "It's coming for you, Nicole. It's coming,".
I'm not even 100% sure what it is, but if it involves Thor and Doritos, I'm in
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
I will bring Jesus to court if he punishes me for that
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