I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I bought beer tonight and got 3 coupons with my receipt. Paper towels, laundry detergent, and Advil. I wonder if Stop & Shop predicts the future or just does this with every beer purchase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He woke up screaming about pickles. I think it's gonna be a good day.
it's pretty bad when you go in bed bath and beyond and recognize 6 different bed spreads you've had sex on
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
That's the first time I've ever heard something that tickled both my gag reflex and my penis simultaneously.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
He and I didn't so much date, as watch cartoons and go down on each other.
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
I would fuck him just for his dog
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