The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Im really high right now and the vending machine is broken and giving out free candy. Please kill me, my life will never get better than this
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
All I want is tacobeell and your body
that's my favorite sentence you've ever said.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My dick was almost in plain McDonald's sight
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
A 'Bear Fight' is a car bomb followed by a Jaeger bomb. Fuckface and I do those on slow days. Tonight, we did a 'Polar Bear on Fire'. Fireball, a bear fight in the middle, and end with rumple minze.
I made friends at the beach bars tonight. Several were worried for my well being.
I solemnly swear to help bail you out of jail when you throw a dildo at a politician.
Remember I am not doing blow tonight. I REPEATE NO COCAINE unless I do it with your mom
Randomize