Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
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There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
I may or may not have just sent the bartender a pic of me in my slutty cheerleader costume with the caption "rah rah ree, gimme yo d"
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My chest smells like french fries. Get at me attractive men.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
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