we might have left him a semi topless video on his wall. godd i just hope they suspend my accont so i stop doing thses things.....
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
T-minus about 54 seconds until I am too high to speak English.
I'm jealous
My throat feels like a candle.
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude, it should not be this hard to find a bottomless mimosa on a friday morning
I feel like an ass. I'm not blacking out ever again. I want to clean your feet for a year. Just like Jesus did.
I was up all night on suicide watch. Dave was wasted and tried to strangle himself. With his own hands.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
The face that yo gabba gabba comes up when I'm stoned and searching for yoga workouts is scary or dangerous
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Heb just said, and I quote, "let's go to Who's On Third and fuck a fishbowl with our mouths. I am going to fuck this van." and then he humped a van.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
I am confused/concerned about the circumstances that led to your consumption of 3 beta fish last night.
A total of 3 guys left my apartment this morning. That was my first clue to my black out endeavors last night. Gotta love wine Wednesdays.
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