I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, of course, to the untrained eye I look like a slut.
I would have thought, as two of my best friends, you girls could have cought me as I fell out of the shower. There are so many bruises.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just used the handle end of a spatula to get the baggie of coke wedged between my passenger seat. Innovation points?
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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