its time to go be "that drunk guy nobody knows"....again.
As far as classy things to do in front of your ex go, throwing up on your own shirt is not one of them.
I KNOW you don't honestly think you can pay me back in lotto tickets.
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I told him I'd put in a good word. And the word of the day is: NEGATIVE
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I have no idea where I am, where my pants are, there is cheese stuck to my ass.. Why do I have your phone?
shot for shot with some guy twice your age to prove Detroit hustles harder then you left with him. We're tracking you
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
Like "oh its Monday, gotta get wasted today!" not "oh its Monday.. Gotta go to class"
I'm going as either a recovering alcoholic, or as a guy who came to the party straight from work. Too literal?
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
Randomize