I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
woke up naked, spooning with wine bottle.. and my video chat was still open. fuck, not again.
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
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it was like the sexual equivalent of when Wilson fell off the raft and floated away
I made a vision board specifically for the purpose of boning john mayer.
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
listening to the two girls in the next stall finish a 40 and laugh at this guy they both fucked. they're calling him 'tulip dick'.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'll offer my penis as collateral. You can hold title to it till I pay you back.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
he was high. i was rolling face. we were both wearing grateful dead t shirts. at that point it's like we had no choice but to fuck
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
Randomize