After last night's events, I googled "how to change your life direction." I found a really helpful ehow.com article.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
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I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
I'm not sure what is worse, the fact that Hoffman doesn't sell vodka before 9am or that I was trying to buy vodka at 8:30am.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
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Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
No. You're getting a Viking funeral and I'm pawning your shit.
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
Also my roomate used some of my condoms so she gave me her hummus. Great trade
The walk of shame was so much longer today. i have to start fucking guys in my own postcode.
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