...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
I tried ok? my penis just doesnt like her as much as my mother does
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't think anyone has ever said "boy I'm glad I took those shots of everclear" when they wake up
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
She's crying about either her ex boyfriend, her one night stand, or her own puke. None of those is worth the tears.
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I'm basically flying you out for a long weekend of sex and going to the zoo
I'm cool with that
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
Yeah but sometimes your vagina needs to be fed and when we are drunk we tend to eat junk food
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
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