rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
All I want in this world right now are Doritoessssss
OK. You going to get home safe? Who are you with?
Doritoesssssss
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
Its like every time I go out with you, it always involves Serbian chicks and taco bell and you always manage to get both all over my bed.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
Also I told several people at the bar last night that my dad the alligator wrestler died wrestling an alligator. So if anyone asks that's real.
Idk what I'm more afraid of...checking my bank account or my STD results.
Erin was right. There were bees at the after hours.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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