I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
he looked about as manly as a guy in a volkswagen bug can look
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
I'm trying to spell out I love you with a series of photos of my penis, but I just realized I can't do the Y of you
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
I just need you to appreciate that this is the first time I've ever been cut off and it's at an airport bar in Philly before 1 o'clock in the afternoon.
I think I achieved my goal of being high for 24 hours in the same week I promised myself I wouldn't smoke anymore
remember that party we went to sophomore year where we found that girl and had the orgy? Im totally at that house right now.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
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