why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
I demand visitation hours with the duck.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I am actually offended he hasn't asked me to sleep with him yet to get better grades...I wanted the whole college experience.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
She won't let me meet her hot new boy toy just because she thinks it'll lead to us having a threesome. It's not fair. I thought we were friends...
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