i just turned barefoot contessa into a drinking game. everytime she uses a knife butter or salt i drink.
Banjos are just sex machines. Like lights to moths, banjos are to hipster bitches.
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
i think they forgot i was still in the room... she grabbed his balls and said "i feel a fire coming on".
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Well get back to your date and give him the ceremonial 1am handy and text me when your done.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Here when you come to your senses come back here and I'll fuck you back out of them.
i think we reached that point in our drunkenness where even the creeps found us intolerable
I think a major source of concern would be the fact you snorted a shot. Who does that?
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