if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
We all just poured out a sip of our drinks for you. One for our pussy whipped homie.
my affection for youporn is starting to get disturbing... i just thought about sending them a christmas card
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept rubbing her head and repeating "I really like your head, I want your head..." over and over for like 10 minutes straight... And she didnt even stop you.
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
Up until today, I never would have thought I'd have to tell someone not to color on the cat
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
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