people who like being in relationships make me feel bad about myself.
Thanks for putting the blue stuff in the toilet, it made me throwing up this morning more enjoyable.
It was huge And he was twirling it around. Im telling you, beautiful wonderpenis
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
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So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
Eating my shrimp pasta on the porch with a 40, wearing a Hawaiian shirt, proclaiming "I GOT SCRIMPS." I just jumped the shark of college.
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
I've literally already typed in by booty call text for friday night. all I have to do now is wait for is drunk me to press send
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
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I feel like we should apologize to the light saber. We were REALLY inappropriate with it last night.
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
she asked me to come back to her house where "hopefully her kids were asleep". that my friend is what i call a dealbreaker
I have a magical vagina and I can't deny it anymore
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I think I found my saving grace in the form of a beard at the bar.
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